Monday, March 06, 2006

i peed sand

I finally had surgery to blast one of my kidney stones into oblivion. I couldn't figure out why they called it surgery because they don't actually cut you open. But having gone through it, I now understand. Completely.

First of all, they knock you with general anesthesia. It was my first time on that ride and if you've never experienced it before, let me tell you it's a real trip. The thing that sucked most was that they couldn't find a good vein to run a line in me, so they completely mangled my left hand. I count eight holes in the top of my hand and wrist. And when the juice finally hit me, it burned so bad I thought I was going to puke. Like my whole arm was on fire. I've heard that happens when they give you too much anesthesia too quickly. So that kind of pisses me off. But they were probably reacting to the fact that I was starting to lose my shit... I was strapped down to a table and couldn't move and they had all these wires stuck to my face and whanot, so I was getting pretty anxious and basically begged them to hurry the fuck up and get that line in.

But anyway, the general anesthesia itself... jesus that's some crazy stuff. It's such a bizarre feeling because it's sort of like they turn your brain off. It's almost instantaneous. I'd say within five seconds after that juice hit my arm, I was out. And when they woke me back up an hour or so later in a different room, it was like they simply turned my brain back on. Sudden, total darkness and silence. And then suddenly and totally awake with sight and sound. And zero memory. No dreams. No hazy recollections. Just turned off. Then turned back on. It was like I didn't exist for a while.

In the recovery room I noticed three things: first, my throat was really sore; second, my ass hurt; and third, my left hand was so swollen and puffy it looked like someone had inflated it with a hose. Turns out my throat was sore because they shoved some breathing tube down it. Ass was sore because they shoved a catheter up there and filled me with some sort of dye to create a little contrast in the xrays. Hand was f'ed up because of the whole problem with not being able to find a vein.

The good news is, the surgery was a success. After peeing blood for a couple of hours, I eventually peed what could only be described as sand. Little, tiny pebbles. Didn't feel a thing. But I could see it plain as day.

I go back in for a follow up in a couple of weeks, at which point we'll decide what to do about the other larger kidney stone. Joy!


At 9:03 PM, Blogger Dennis! said...

Uh... yikes.

At 9:01 AM, Blogger red storm said...

So what are you doing about the other kidney stone? why do you withhold the information from us? i worry! I worry!


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